Category: blog Page 45 of 53

One of the things cancer taught us was the importance of living now while there is a now. And so we took up hiking and snow-shoeing. And we established a non-profit and wrote for grant funding. And everywhere we traveled to speak, we planned side trips.

Presenting to audiences in Vermont, Connecticut and Maine sent us venturing the back country roads of New England. In Florida, we explored around Palm Beach and across Alligator Alley to Tampa Bay. Speaking in Denver took us up to Estes Park and hiking in the Rockies.

Hubby says this is why he makes me hike in front

Read More

It was the news of yet another cancer death this week that made me think of the incredibly kind people who reached out to us when Hubby was dying. So, what to do for the bereaved or for those who are keeping vigilance as a loved one is dying?

Here are some ideas from all the thoughtful, helping-us-fight-cancer, creative, would-do-anything-for-us people in our lives:

Read More

I’m exhausted. Head-achy exhausted. And it’s not just because I’m up at 5:30am to get The Boy to school for an all-day field trip; it’s not because of the thought of his 8-10pm baseball game tonight; it’s because we’re into Week Four of single parenting. These three precious grandchildren. I want to be their grandma and not their parent.

Read More

A year ago this month, we met with Dr. Maunder, a palliative care physician. One of his jobs was to help Hubby complete a POLST form (Physicians Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment). In the course of the conversation, Dr. Maunder asked him this: “What most concerns you?”

Hubby pointed at me and said, “Leaving her.”

And so that next Saturday, Hubby announced that he was going to spend the day teaching me how to survive. I learned how to do our banking online, including how to deposit a check using my phone camera. Hubby taught me how to use my phone’s GPS system.

And he pulled out a large pipe wrench for lessons on unclogging the bathroom sink. I gave him my best raised-eyebrow look, whereupon he put the pipe wrench away.

Read More

One of our cancer team members was *finding meaning.* And one of the ways we established meaning and purpose was by sharing our story with various audiences across the country.

But here’s the irony: Hubby would have paid to not have to get up in front of people and speak. Jon Acuff, in his book Quitter: Closing the Gap Between Your Day Job and Your Dream Job, wrote:

If you admit that there is a chance that you are good, perhaps even great at something, you should feel a little uncomfortable. Because if your gift is not nothing, that means it is something. And a gift that is something is always a little terrifying.

Doing nothing—putting your feet up on the coffee table and watching other people lead extraordinary lives—is so much more comfortable than using your gifts.

Read More

You’d think I’d be finished with all the business matters of becoming a widow, right? You’d be wrong. I made the mistake of calling Barclay to find out how to get my refund from a purchase made on one of my credit cards. When the Customer Service Rep learned why the primary name on the account (Hubby – although it doesn’t appear as *Hubby * on the card, but as *Gary*) couldn’t come to the phone—could never ever come to the phone ever again—she cancelled the two Barclay cards. Immediately.

“But you can’t cancel. You still have my money.” Turns out, they can cancel. And turns out, they get to keep my money for two invoice cycles. Interest-free. Although had it been the other way around, I wouldn’t have gotten away with interest-free money.

Read More

It’s always so much fun sad when The Parents leave and the grandma has the grandkidlets all to herself. It’s also a little dangerous. For example, yesterday the 6-year-old decided I needed a make-over. The 14-year-old warned me: “You might want her to go easy on the eye shadow. Otherwise you’ll look like you have two black eyes.” She speaks from experience.

This reminded me that Hubby used to talk about giving cancer a black eye. Which is defined as getting off the couch and doing something you don’t necessarily feel like doing.

Read More

They loved their grandpa despite that fact that he teased them mercilessly. Or maybe because of it.

So how do you explain cancer to grandchildren? And how do you help them through their loss? Here are three ways:

Read More

Lilly, the petite but strong fourteen-year-old, tested for her mixed martial arts black belt on Sunday. In front of a panel of stern-looking judges. All wearing black.

Lilly goes in for the takedown

So why would you want your daughter to learn to fight? Simple. Because you never know when she might face a formidable opponent. Because you would want her to respond with skill and good judgment.

Read More

“What if Grandpa was holding my other hand and you guys could swing me again,” commented the six-year-old as we walked to the park. She remembers the grandpa who teased the grandkids. The grandpa who interacted with them; who thought their names were all George for some reason.

I miss this good man. Every day. But what if, when you face hard things, you could come out on the other side wiser, kinder, stronger? Would it be worth it? I’m thinking yes, not that I go looking for hard things.

Read More