On my own for the first time in days, weeks. The last of family left this morning. But not until puzzles were assembled and snowballs were thrown.


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And not until we shared meals together, and so many conversations were had, and memories were remembered did the last of the troops leave town. Blessed time together.


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And now, today. On my own. Today, a dent in the pile of thank-you notes that need to be written. Grocery shopping. Hubby’s urn from the funeral home. Today, laundry and housecleaning, and this from Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts:

How does it save the world to reject unabashed joy when it is joy that saves us? Rejecting joy to stand in solidarity with the suffering doesn’t help the suffering. The converse does. The brave who focus on all things good and all things beautiful and all things true, even in the small, who give thanks for it and discover joy even in the here and now, they are the change agents who bring fullest Light to all the world.

I want to be a change agent. Full of unabashed joy. Not afraid to take risks. Always counting blessings. I don’t want to live in the status quo for a widow of a certain age. I don’t want to sit and watch “Gilmore Girls” reruns—as cute as the Gilmore Girls are—or “Magnum PI” reruns—as cute as Tom Selleck is. I don’t want to sign up for Saturday night bingo or get a yappy dog. Or take up knitting—no, wait … too late for that.

God has imprinted on my heart a visionary idea, and I want to be a change agent in my corner of the world. Waiting with so much hope to see what unfolds.