5 steps toward your destiny

“You probably don’t want to make any major decisions within the first six to twelve months of widowhood,” my husband, Gary, said in one of our conversations about where his cancer was taking us.


Photo by Danica Tanjutco on Unsplash

Sound advice.

But after he died and our adult children and children-in-law were in town for his service, they strategized over possibilities for my future. Behind my back.

With their encouragement, I resigned my job. And moved out of state. Two major decisions within a month or two of my husband passing. (Sorry, hon.)

But really, it wasn’t in resistance to Gary’s wise counsel. It was merely following my passion to write full-time — with my children presenting creative options that would allow me to do so.

This though from Ralph Waldo Emerson:

The purpose of life … is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

We are all created with specific gifts and abilities and desires, and when you throw some life experiences into the mix, it helps outline our destinies.

With that in mind, consider these 5 steps toward fulfilling your purpose:

1. Daydream on paper (or laptop)

What is it that causes you to speak with enthusiasm, puts a light in your eyes, gives you large amounts of energy when you think or talk about doing it? Capture those things in writing.

2. Determine first steps

What needs to happen first?

I continued with speaking engagements since being widowed, but mostly the opportunities found me. I needed to get more proactive in seeking them out, so I drafted an action list. And then took the first step.

Step Two is already outlined, and writing about it here reminds me that I need to get cracking on that one.

3. Find an accountability partner

I have one of these. At the beginning of most weeks — except when I’m out of town — I send a list of things I want to accomplish. At the end of the week, I let my friend know how it went.

I’m highly motivated to do as much on the list as possible because I don’t want to report failure to my accountability partner.

4. Launch out

Walk through all the doors that open for you, maybe even push on a few doors. Accept the speaking engagement. Post the first blog. Begin fundraising for your new position at that non-profit that can’t pay you a salary just yet.

5. Be willing to change

As the seasons of our lives change, our purpose changes.

Gary and I were once parents of toddlers, and now those toddlers have children of their own.

We were once partners in our non-profit, sharing a “living proactively with cancer” message. I’m still speaking a similar theme, but it’s expanded beyond cancer. And I’m doing it solo.

I was once married to a man who was fun to do life together. I’m now hiking mountain trails (alone) and taking road trips (alone) and keeping Friday date night (alone). But still my life is full. As in joyful. Peaceful. Purposeful.

When seasons change, change with them. And see if you don’t find new purpose that you’ll love just as much as the old purpose.

In his book Love Does, Bob Goff speaks to readers about finding a more purposeful life:

I bet it involves choosing something that already lights you up. Something you already think is beautiful or lasting and meaningful. Pick something you aren’t just able to do; instead, pick something you feel like you were made to do and then do lots of that.

Go ahead, get off the couch. 

Because until we stop seeking comfort and start leaning into awkward, uneasy places, the things we were supposed to do with our one, available, passionate life won’t happen: The Habitat for Humanity houses we were meant to help build. The songs we were meant to write. The bridges we were meant to design. The women and children we were meant to rescue from human trafficking. The students we were meant to teach or coach.

These things won’t happen from our comfortable couches.

Call to action

This week, let’s determine what one step we can take toward accomplishing the destiny that only we can do.

And then let’s do that one thing.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2:10, NIV


What if we cultivated wonder?


Beginner’s Guide to embracing imperfection


  1. Wendy W

    Beautiful article, Marlys. I have never thought of reaching out to a friend, to be accountability partners. I like the suggestion though. And I have been reading so many references to “launching out”, and “taking action”. As Mel Robbins says in The Five Second Rule, “54321…..launch”! We have to just take action!

    • Wendy, my accountability partner is so valuable. She pesters me from time to time about how I’m doing … and I so appreciate it!

  2. I am truly blessed and look forward with eager anticipation to your posts. Thank you for sharing your heart and your beautiful gift of writing. I’m motivated to put these steps in motion. Thank you for this! God bless you Marlys!

  3. Grace Lawson

    As always your article is EXCELLENT !!! Thanks for sharing and inspiring !!!

  4. sue

    I can identify with you in so many ways. I lost my first husband from cancer at age 53. I followed God’s leading in rebuilding “a new normal”. I asked Him to make me the best single person possible or send me a new husband. It would have to be God’s timing in His way because I wasn’t going to date. After four years, God sent another man into my picture when, over the past year, three people who didn’t know each other, told him they had someone they wanted him to meet. When the third one told him my name, he decided it was a God-thing and called.

    He is now a retired pastor, but we continue to serve God together. I teach a Bible study and finished my second novel at his insistence. I’m just now getting ready to set up a blog (hopefully}. I love knowing God is guiding and directing and as you know it is exciting to hear how He works through your words.

    I’ll be looking forward to your posts. I’d love for you to pray I will make the right moves with latest work. Thanks, Sue

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