Tomorrow is the second wedding anniversary without Hubby, and there is still so much I miss about being married to him. So much.
If I had to pick the Top Ten things, it would be these:
10. Gas tank filled. Hubby kept the gas tank in my car full. Always. There was never — ever — a chance I’d run out of gas with Hubby around. These days, there’s always that chance.
9. Errand-running. I’ve always thought of errand-running as a necessary evil — a waste of time, but something that’s gotta be done. After Hubby retired, he didn’t mind picking up prescriptions and mailing packages. And once in a while, this errand-runner, while out on a mission, would stop by my work with his cute grin and a Chai tea. Bless him.
8. Cooking. I have moved beyond the popcorn-for-dinner-almost-every-evening thing … but while I eat healthfully, it’s never a full meal. More along the lines of say, a broccoli salad with red onion, nuts and dried fruit. But I miss cooking full meals for a man who appreciates my cooking. And I miss having that man in the kitchen with me, slicing and chopping and stirring and tasting.
7. Movie-watching/book-reading discussions. Hubby and I had similar tastes in books and movies. We both liked inspiring stories based on true events (think Invictus with Morgan Freeman as Nelson Mandela). And we both enjoyed a good classic — anything with Audrey Hepburn, Cary Grant, Humphrey Bogart. One of my absolute favorite things about watching a movie or reading a book was discussing it afterward. With Hubby. Sigh.
6. Road trips. We did road trips well together. Our last road trip was the best ever. Two weeks that included hiking in the Tetons; riding horses in the Rockies; and exploring around Arches, Moab, Zion and Canyonlands. I’ve put in a lot of miles in all-by-myself road trips since being a widow — to southern California twice from Oregon, over to Idaho a few times, north to Seattle. And there wasn’t a single trip where I didn’t wish Hubby was driving.
5. Date night companion. I still keep Friday date night. But as you can imagine, it’s not quite the same without an actual date.
4. Cheerleader. Hubby believed in most of my crazy wild ideas. Like wanting to write a book. And fundraising and taking high school students on international adventures. Those kinds of crazy wild ideas. He usually pointed out what could go wrong, this logical-thinking, data-analyzing husband of mine. But once we talked through all the potential issues, he was my biggest supporter. He believed in me.
3. Advisor. These days, there’s no one to run my crazy wild ideas past. Even though Hubby was a glass-half-empty person, I appreciated his wisdom and counsel.
2. Conversation. I married a quiet man. Some people thought of him as shy, but he wasn’t shy; he was simply content to let others have the spotlight. He was a good listener and I can never remember a time when he complained that I talked too much. (Which we all know I’ve done. Often. Frequently.) In the cancer years, things changed. He became more talkative, and I loved listening to his thoughts and ideas. I miss the conversations we had together.
1. Physical touch. I loved to tuck my arm through Hubby’s for the sheer glorious pleasure of belonging to someone. Walking to a concert or football game through the parking lot, strolling downtown on a date. I belong to this man’s arm, to this man’s heart. There’s something so incredibly comforting about the physical touch, about being held by someone who thinks you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to them, about the conversation that accompanies the physical touch — I miss it all.
If you’re a regular reader, then you know my passion for list-making. But there is a good reason for this particular Top Ten list beyond the joy of simply listing things.
For those who love to cook for or snuggle with a spouse, who smile at notes left in lunch boxes and on bathroom mirrors, who appreciate having gas tanks filled, and help with the laundry, and the dozens of other marriage benefits …
… then maybe, just maybe we should say so.
While they’re still here.
Do you have a favorite way of letting your spouse know how much you appreciate him/her?