8 secrets to becoming more attractive

If you’ve lost something of incredible value — your health, a way of life, someone who is precious beyond words — then it is important to grieve. To take your time and grieve in your own way.

At some point, though, it will be to your advantage and good health to set aside your deep sorrow and take a stab at living again. And while you’re learning to live again, see if you don’t become more attractive in the process.

So what is it that makes someone attractive? In no particular order, here are 8 secrets:

1. Cultivate confidence. Squash your fears. Quit speaking negatively to yourself. Stretch yourself by trying new things and meeting new people. This from a Maverick Traveler article:

Physical attractiveness is only one side of the coin; mental attractiveness via confidence is the other. … Confidence is one of the best—if not the best—trait that a human can have.

2. Show kindness. It doesn’t take much to show a small kindness. Open the door for someone with their hands full. Help a fellow passenger lift their suitcase down from an overhead bin. Let the person with 2-3 items at the check-out stand go ahead of you. This piece from Shape about a major study asking 10,000 men and women what quality they found most important in a mate: “The number one response across the board? Kindness.”

3. Be a cheerleader. Your words are powerful; use them wisely to build up and not tear down. You may be surprised to learn, according to a Psychology Today article, that being supportive was listed as the one quality guaranteed to make you more attractive:

Being a supportive mate makes you more attractive because, over time, a supportive partner is perceived as a confidence builder. We all want to feel confident, so it is only natural that we would be attracted to people who build our confidence.

4. Foster generosity. There are so many ways to be generous that don’t involve parting with your hard-earned cash (although parting with your hard-earned cash for a worthy cause is quite a good thing). Be generous with your time, your material possessions, your expertise, your encouraging words. Invite someone to your home for coffee and scones and a hope-filled conversation. Volunteer to teach basic computer skills or resumé-building skills. Help a child build a birdhouse as a gift for his/her mom on Mother’s Day.

5. Speak gratitude. Truly there is a difference between voicing your words of sorrow to a trusted friend who will guard them vs. always complaining about what life has handed you. Look past the challenges for things to be grateful for. Do you have someone to love, someone who loves you? Do you have a place to sleep tonight out of the elements? Can you hear birds singing; see trees budding, flowers blooming on this fine spring day? Do your in-laws live far away? (JK, Johnsons.)

6. Develop a sense of humor. Hubby had this wonderful, dry sense of humor. People would sometimes do a double-take. Did he really mean what he just said? Lighten up. Don’t take things personally. Learn to throw your head back and laugh. Even at yourself.

7. Exercise positivity. It’s so easy to be critical, to find fault, to make judgements from outward appearances. Instead, if you’re in a hard situation that is simply part of a stage in life and you can’t do anything to change it (and if you’re not being hurt, bullied, belittled or abused), then make the most of this stage. What can you learn from it that will help someone else later on down the road?

8. Practice surrender. Don’t blame people or circumstances for the hard things. Understand that adversity is a given and, since you’ve got to deal with it, you might as well become more attractive in the process. You can allow the bereft, barren, hopeless days and months and years turn into hope-giving, love-building, beautifying years by simply surrendering to the process. Again, this is not about surrendering to what is harmful to you, but rather about accepting what has changed in your life that you didn’t want changed … and then making the most of it.

What about you? What qualities do you find most attractive in others? What qualities in yourself are not-so-attractive? What can you do about it?

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