If we’ve lost something of incredible value — our health, a way of life, someone who is precious beyond words — then it’s important to grieve. To take our time and grieve in our own way.

At some point, though, it will be to our advantage and good health to set aside our sorrow and take a stab at living again. And while we’re learning to live again, see if we don’t become more attractive in the process.


Photo by Caique Silva on Unsplash


So what makes a person attractive? In no particular order, here are 8 secrets:

1. Cultivate confidence. Squash our fears. Quit speaking negatively to ourselves. Stretch ourselves by trying new things and meeting new people. This from a Maverick Traveler article:

Physical attractiveness is only one side of the coin; mental attractiveness via confidence is the other. … Confidence is one of the best—if not the best—trait that a human can have.

2. Show kindness. It doesn’t take much to show a small kindness. Open the door for someone with their hands full. Help a fellow passenger lift a suitcase into an overhead bin. Let the person with two items at the check-out stand go ahead of you. This piece from Shape about a major study asking 10,000 men and women what quality they found most important in a mate: “The number one response across the board? Kindness.”

3. Be a cheerleader. Our words are powerful; use them wisely to build up and not tear down. We may be surprised to learn, according to a Psychology Today article, that being supportive was listed as the one quality guaranteed to make one more attractive:

Being a supportive mate makes you more attractive because, over time, a supportive partner is perceived as a confidence builder. We all want to feel confident, so it is only natural that we would be attracted to people who build our confidence.

4. Foster generosity. There are so many ways to be generous that don’t involve parting with our hard-earned cash (although parting with our hard-earned cash for a worthy cause is quite a good thing). We can be generous with our time, our material possessions, our expertise, our encouraging words. Volunteer to teach basic computer skills or resumé-building skills. Help a child build a birdhouse as a gift for his/her mom. Invite someone into our home for coffee and a hope-filled conversation.

5. Speak gratitude. There is a difference between voicing words of sorrow to a trusted friend who will guard them vs. always complaining about what life has handed us. Look past the challenges for things to be grateful for. Do we have someone to love, someone who loves us? Do we have a place to sleep tonight out of the elements? Do we have eyes to see the beauty of leaves turning golden red russet on this fine fall day? Do the in-laws live far away? (Just kidding, Johnsons.)

6. Develop a sense of humor. My husband, Gary, had this wonderful, dry sense of humor. People would sometimes do a double-take. Did he really mean what he just said? We need to lighten up; not take things personally; throw our heads back and laugh. Even at ourselves. It’s quite beautifying.

7. Exercise positivity. If we find ourselves in a hard situation that is simply part of a stage in life; if we can’t do anything to change it; and if we’re not being hurt, bullied, belittled or abused, then why not make the most of this stage? What can we learn from it that will encourage someone else later on down the road?

8. Practice surrender. Don’t blame people or circumstances for the hard things. Understand that adversity is a given and, since we’ve got to deal with it, we might as well do a good job of it.

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We can allow the bereft, barren, hopeless days and months and years turn into hope-giving, love-building, beautifying years by accepting what has changed in our lives that we didn’t want changed. And in so doing, we can become more attractive.


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